Attack with needles

The US box office is currently under assault from Saw 3D - presumably the last in the series. There's something vaguely disturbing about the idea of not only being able to watch people perform surgery on themselves, but also to see them do it in 3D with body parts flying out of the screen at you. In this, there's a big irony because Saw is getting all the headlines while, lurking away in the art houses, you also have 127 Hours which is a true story. You can watch a mountain climber who, when he got trapped in an isolated canyon, cut off his arm to escape.

We tell you this, not to promote self-treatment, but to introduce the idea of acupuncture. Here specialists take a set of long needles and then drive them into your skin. Unfortunately, those of you who like horror movies will be disappointed at the outcome. Instead of rivers of blood erupting from gaping wounds like the oil from a gusher, nothing appears to happen. The victims lie calmly watching the needles go in, all the while chatting about the latest fashions or the current World Series with the expert. It's all very disappointing except, if you talk to any of the millions of people in China or South East Asia where acupuncture is a routine part of medicine, they all report excellent results from the treatment.

Indeed, in China, acupuncture is used alongside conventional anesthetic. Patients going through surgery remain conscious and discuss the finer points of the surgeon's technique with the theater nurses. To those of us in the West, this is taking things too far. The very idea of it really does seem like the plot from a horror movie. So we are not asking you to believe in anything so extreme. Rather we come down a few notches in ambition and report the latest results of a clinical trial in Seattle. A team of dedicated scientists gathered a group of 650 people, all of whom had serious lower back pain with loss of mobility. They were divided into four groups. One received genuine acupuncture from an expert. The second was pricked by toothpicks in all the right places. The third was pricked with needles at random (faintly disconcerting). While the final group was given conventional physical therapy.

In follow-up interviews over the next twelve months, the participants were asked about the level of pain and whether there were any improvements in mobility. Less than half those receiving physical therapy reported any significant change in their condition. But 60% of those receiving the "acupuncture" treatments reported significant and lasting improvements. So the results show a very strong placebo effect for both real and simulated acupuncture. The participants were prepared to believe they were going to find relief, and that's what they got. This strongly suggests the mind is a key player when it comes to lower back pain and, if people believe in the treatment, they get up to twelve months of benefit. For those who cannot believe, there's always Ultram which offers the mind relief through chemistry. It works. Your choice: needles or Ultram? No contest!